KIT’s 3 top tips for what to do when a good friendship goes bad.
Our friends bring us laughter, support and a feeling of belonging. They also act as a buffer to life’s toughest moments. It can be easier to get back up from a disappointment or embarrassing moment when you have good friends who support you. But it’s important to remember that no friendship is perfect and sometimes they can hit a rough patch. Here’s a guide to how to handle some of those tricky moments…
1. Dealing with Drama
I think school is stressful enough with homework, assignments and study without having the added stress of being involved in school yard fights. So you’re right to want to stay out of it. But how do you convince your friend? This is where communication is key. Tell them, “You know you’re my best friend, but I can’t handle all the stress of being involved in all these school yard wars. I’m going to be over here (in the library/with some other friends/playing chess). When you’re finished come find me and we’ll head to the tuckshop, but I’m not getting involved.”
2. Face to Face
Is there anything worse than the moment you realise a friend has talked about you behind your back? Let’s say this person is a close friend and you’ve caught them gossiping about you. Rather than just freeze the person out, take them aside, let them know you found out about them talking behind your back and let them know how it made you feel. Remember big conversations have no place online. Text messages and emails can be edited, shared and screenshot. Save big conversations for in-person moments when you can. Your goal in the encounter is to be strong but kind.
3. Hot and Cold
Boundaries – or the way we allow people to treat us – are the key to healthy friendships. Someone who is friendly to you one day and ignoring you the next isn’t behaving like a friend. A good friendship is someone who is consistently loyal, consistently kind and consistently supportive towards you. So, the key here is to take the person aside and talk to them. Say, “I really like you but I’ve noticed that some days you’re friendly to me and other days you ignore me. I’m not okay with that. It makes me feel hurt and it’s exhausting to understand. I want you to stop being hot and cold towards me. Otherwise I think we should have a break from each other for a while.”
I know these conversations are hard to have and can feel awkward but learning how to resolve conflict and express our boundaries is an important skill to have. Speak your truth, assert your boundary, be kind and move on.
